you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
