Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
