I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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