Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
