remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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