I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
