i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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