Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
love makes seman taste better
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
