i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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