had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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