Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
