bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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