and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
