it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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