I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
