We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
