I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
