what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
