also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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