you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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