I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
