I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
