Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
