K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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