yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
