I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
