Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.

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(214): View more from Texas

You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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(816): View more from Missouri

They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze

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(650): View more from California

I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators

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(813): View more from Florida

Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.

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(206): View more from Washington

You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'

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