Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
