I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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