...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the condom got lost in my hair
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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