My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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