we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
