i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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