Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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