Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize