how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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