Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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