I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize