Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
