I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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