he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
