so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
