White coat. Heels.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
