you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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