for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
