Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
