Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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