I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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