Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
