Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
