My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
two words...techno handjob
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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