I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
