when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
