I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize