I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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