i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
