This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
