No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
