I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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