I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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