My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
