alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
