While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
