just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
