Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
