She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
