Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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