so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I love you. Go after that dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
