this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
