I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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