So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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