i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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