well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
