I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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