Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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