shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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