Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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